From the Desk of Simon Presley Who Is This Guy?
Mutant M&M

From the Desk of Simon Presley June 27, 1997

Simon Presley

Mars, Incorporated
Hackettstown, NJ 07840-1503
ATTN: Customer Relations

Dear Confectioner,

Hello! I'm writing to you in the hopes that you can clear up a little mystery to which I have encountered. You see, I was working backstage of a production of Carnival, eating one of your delicious bags of Peanut M&M's. I am a great fan of the M's. In fact, it wasn't one of those regular-size bags at all, but your ample 5.60 OZ. (158.8g) bags. (I have to congratulate you on this size bag - just right! Is it new?)
Oh, mind you this was the musical Carnival, not an actual carnival. Just imagine me working with all those crazy carnie freaks! But, maybe then what I found would not have startled me so.
By now, I'm sure you've seen the photographs I sent with this letter (my good friend Christian enlarged them on his computer for me.) This is one of the 'M's I found in my bag! Needless to say, I was a bit confused, and a little put off. I don't mean to insult your product, but this M was a little disgusting. In fact, I didn't eat the rest of the bag! There was about half left (2.80 OZ.).
Don't you have employees who watch for this sort of thing? I guess this doesn't happen often. (This is the first one I've seen, and I eat a lot!) I'm not even sure how this one got by: it didn't even have an official 'M' stamped on it!
Your bag says to save the unused product and the wrapper, but without asking, the stage manager ate the rest of the bag! Luckily, I set the offending 'M' on the breaker box where no one would get it. The wrapper is included with the photographs, though. (I didn't know how to send the 'M' in the envelope.) Let me know if you need more evidence to work this out.

Keep it chocolatey!
Simon Presley

ENCL: 3 photos, 1 Peanut M&M bag