Half a Cracker

December 8, 1998 Simon Presley

Kraft Foods, Inc.
1 Kraft Court
Glenview, IL 60025

Dear Kraft,

Since my move to the sunny state of California, it seems to me that I have put on a few pounds around the old midsection. So I decided the best course of action was to lighten my lunches, together with a bit of exercisic activity.
All I have on my 30 minute break these days is a package of your conveniently sealed Handi Snacks cheese and cracker snacks. (It was the California Cheese advertisements that inspired me - do you have anything to do with those?) It doesn't take 30 minutes to eat them, but they sure do the trick. Usually, I will set them on top of my monitor a few minutes beforehand to soften the cheese.
But, it seems like one of the bakers in your kitchen wants to help me lose even more weight. After opening the pack, I grabbed the little red cheese-spreader and the topmost cracker. Underneath was only half a cracker! Next was a whole cracker, and on the bottom was a broken cracker. The package had a whole cracker, a half a cracker, a whole cracker, and then two halves! (See diagram.) Sure, there was extra cheese to go around, but without the extra cracker, I didn't feel satisfied.
I'll thank you not to lighten my lunch any further.

You owe me half a cracker. Simon Presley